Was I in love with him or the idea of finally having someone to call my own?

Was I in love with him or the idea of finally having someone to call my own?
By: Beverley. G. Zitha @peachesbgz

When I met Mandla I was at a point in my life where I had “given up” on love. I had kind of come to the conclusion that relationships and dating just wasn’t for me.

I had been in so many failed relationships (the men I dated always belonged to someone else) and the way I saw it I was just going to die alone.

So on the 21st of December 2012 this handsome, tall stranger asked to join my girls and me while we were out having sun downers. We thought hey, why not. He sat next to me and started making small talk. I’ll say it wasn’t one of the most intellectual conversations I had had to date but I enjoyed it (maybe it was the tone of his voice and his Zulu accent, which always makes me weak at the knees).

As I was preparing to leave my girls and head on home Mandla offered to take me home as he “was enjoying my company and dint want me to leave”, well I stayed on.
As the night progressed we reached a point where it was as if we were in our own world and I must admit; it was a nice feeling.

One thing let to another and I ended up spending the night at his place. The sex was out of this world and for a moment I thought I was falling in love but quickly reprimanded myself from such behavior . He dropped me off at home and headed down to Durban to see his family. The 24 hours that we spent apart felt like hell, it was the longest 24 hours I had ever experienced.
He came back to Jozi and as expected I was the first person he saw when he arrived.

It was official I was in love and seemingly so was he.

I must say Mandla has a way with words and can make any nonbeliever a believer. I told him that I didn’t believe in love anymore and that I had had too many traumatic relationships in the past and I would prefer that we didn’t try and get into any relationship. What had happened on the night we met was a once off thing. He said so many things to me that I was convinced that maybe he was “the one”.

The one to tame me, the one to marry me or maybe the one to be with at that moment. I wasn’t sure and frankly didn’t care. I fell in love and forget to bring my head along for the ride.

A week into our courtship he proposed. It certainly wasn’t the proposal I was hoping for; getting down on one knee and a diamond ring but it was a proposal none the less.

Of course I said yes, I was over the moon and couldn’t wait for the big day.

As things progressed I started having doubts about him, us and the whole idea of marriage but I thought maybe it was just the nerves. He had become someone I didn’t know (in reality I didn’t know him), he was controlling, possessive, expected me to tell him every time I so much as sneezed. We met at a drinking hole but suddenly I wasn’t allowed to go out for drinks with my mates.

One day I was bored and decided to google him and see what comes up, I wasn’t expecting to find out anything I didn’t already know. He was very honest with me about things happening in his life as well as things that had already happened, well so I thought.

I couldn’t have been more wrong…

There was a young woman that was going on about how she had a wonderful boyfriend and surprisingly enough this boyfriend had the same name as my fiancé. The curious cat in me told me to open up and see who this boyfriend was.
I wasn’t prepared at all for what I was about to see…. There he was my fiancé, her boyfriend posing and having what looked like a good time.
What do I do I do now? Do I confront him, do I try and get hold of this woman and get the 411?
The PI in me decided to gather information first and then confront him with all the evidence that I had. I did exactly that, I searched and found exactly what I was looking for. After speaking to this woman who confirmed her relationship with my fiancé (that has been happening for the past 10 years mind you). I was shattered, I felt as though my guts had been ripped out, my life was crashing down in front of me and there was very little that I could do about it.

I finally confronted Mandla and he admitted, after I threatened to leave him, that he had had a sexual relationship with her previously but he was adamant that it was before me. If that were the case why are there recent pictures of you and this woman? Do I have “dumb ass” tattooed on my forehead?
After crying myself to sleep for a day I decided to forgive him but he would have to work very hard to get the words: “I forgive you” out of me.

We scheduled a day that I was going to go to him and hear him out. On my way there a light bulb went off in my head. Hang on, who made the mistake here, who jeopardized our relationship? Him of course. Then why should I be the one to go and collect the apology? I called him and told him this and he proceeded to shout at me saying that he didn’t make plans for the day as we were supposed to meet and I was being selfish and unfair. Really?!

After he hung up in my ear, I called him back to tell him that I wanted out, he can keep his lobola. I suggested he use it for the woman he cheated on me with.

I finally had the courage to break up with him. It’s going to take a lot for me to pick up the pieces and get back to my life but its going to happen eventually.
Now I’m not sure if I was in love with him or the idea of being with him…


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