Do I stay or do I go?

Do I go or do I stay?
By: Beverley. G. Zitha (@peachesbgz)

I remember my wedding day like it was just yesterday…
21 September 2005
The weather was perfect, the décor was on point, my dress fit like a glove and my groom J Sipho looked super fine in the perfectly tailored tuxedo.
The ceremony was beautiful, my best friend Felicia sang my wedding song (Giving myself over by Jenifer Hudson) as I glided down the aisle. The tears flowed down my perfectly made up face as I saw all the people that had come to support my union with Sipho. He looked like the man I’ve waited all my life for.

For our honeymoon we went down to Balito for the week, it was magical. The greatest week of my life.

Just before the big day Sipho used to attend a lot of meetings that I knew nothing about or where they were held. That bothered me, a lot, he assured me though that I needn’t worry as it was a surprise for me.
When we got back from our honey moon we moved into our new house in Aspen Hills. The secret meetings were about the house. It was beautiful, had all my favourite colours in the rooms as well as beautiful furniture and ornaments.
I was in heaven; perfect husband, beautiful house, awesome lifestyle and a great family. What more could a girl ask for?
Sipho was always a gentleman, opening the door for me, buying flowers occasionally, getting me gifts, complementing my cooking and baking skills as well as my looks. Being a housewife I had nothing much to do either than shopping, baking, cooking, keeping in shape and well, playing the perfect wife.
I never worked as he maintained that he could look after me financially and otherwise, so there was never a need for me to work. In essence I never took a vested interest in our finances as he did everything and I had my monthly allowance as well as a credit card.

On one particular day he decided that he was going away for the weekend and I wasn’t going to be coming on this trip because the meeting was going to be with new business partners, I didn’t mind as I trusted my husband and didn’t for a moment think that he was going to be doing something dodgy behind my back.
When he returned 4 days later he seemed very upset and was snappy with me, I thought it was just the exhaustion and brushed it off.
Several days later his mood hadn’t changed, now I was really worried.
I started snooping around in the hope so get a clue as to what could be the matter.

Lo and behold there was something in his home office drawers; a family portrait. Three kids (two handsome boys and a beautiful girl), a wife and husband, the husband in the picture was Sipho.
I immediately confronted him and he said that the family portrait in the picture was indeed his family.
What about me, aren’t I your family?
After 7 years of marriage I didn’t know that my husband had a wife and three kids.
I asked how come he never told me and what the mood was about. The reason I was never told is simply because I never asked? Why would I ask if you have a wife and kids if you have proposed to me?
The long face was a result of his wife telling him that she had tested for HIV and it was positive. When he tested he was positive too. My jaw dropped as I began to imagine the sad but true reality that I could be positive too.
After testing positive too I had to make a decision, divorce my husband or stay on in the deceitful marriage?

I stayed. I couldn’t go back to a life of poverty, where was I going to find a job, how was I going to survive (I didn’t have a cent to my name) and besides being a “return soldier” wasn’t on my list of needs or wants.

So today I’m HIV+, thanks to my husband but still living a life of luxury…..